DEATH + DYING

death \'deth\ (noun) 1. the act or fact of dying; the end of life; the final and irreversible cessation of the vital functions of an animal or plant, 2. the state of being dead; the state or condition of being without life, animation, or activity. (Oxford English Dictionary)

It is estimated that 110 billion humans have died over the last 192,000 years (the era of homo sapiens), or roughly 94% of all humans that have lived on this Earth. Today there is roughly 8 billion +/- humans on the planet and on average 60 million +/- die each year.

You are not alone in the act of dying.

It is the greatest unifier of the living.

A Death Doula is your advocate and ally in your journey.

A century ago, 7 of 10 people died at home when death was familial and communal. People experienced, honored and tended to death regularly - in the home and in the community. Today 7 of 10 people die, often alone, in a hospital, nursing home or care facility where it is sterilized, medicalized, and monetized.

The modern Western world has d/evolved to fear and stigmatize death, attempts to deny it and turn away from the greatest truth of life itself - that it will at some point in it’s current physical form come to an end. The Life/Death cycle is all around us in the natural world witnessed through the changing of the seasons, the end of a personal relationship or feeling the warmth of the sun on our backs that too will eventually, in approximately 5 billions years, come to it’s own end, evolving into something new.

Often we cannot pick and choose the moment, but dying is a deeply personal experience. Dying a good death is about facing death consciously, with the support of people, practices, rituals and tools that guide and support the journey. It honors your personal, spiritual, cultural, emotional, and physical needs and wishes, allowing you to continue on with a sense of wholeness and resolve. It reflects your values, beliefs and connections with peace, acceptance and dignity. It involves embracing the unknown with courage and curiosity, letting go of fear and regret to greet death as a natural part of life. Acknowledging and preparing for death is a gift not just for yourself but also those you hold dear.

The bureaucracy of death in the modern world is Kafka-esque and can be daunting, confusing, maddening, stressful, burdensome and emotional for the dying and their families. Many customizable options and documents exist that can provide both peace of mind and empowerment.

Before the time is near one can embrace death proactively. How about planning a celebration of life? Writing or recording letters to loved ones. Create a sacred space while you are alive. How would you like your body to be handled after you reach the next plateau? Assemble an archive and altar. Explore the healing modalities of sacred plant medicines to ease existential distress and anxiety. As hearing is often one of the last senses to dissipate in the active dying process it might also involve creating your death bed playlist. Dub and distribute a memento mori mixtape for friends to dance to in celebration of their eternal connection to you. The list continues and it’s use can be heavy, deep, fun, refreshing, revelatory and enlightening.

There is no wrong choice if you are lucky enough to be able to choose how you would like your body to be cared for after you go. Embalming, cremation and cemetery burials have become standardized (and quite harmful to the living environment above and below ground). There are also ancient and equally modern alternatives and options (that vary by state and local jurisdictions), which are more environmentally considerate, are acts of reciprocity with the natural world that sustained your life, fulfilling and holistic. A few such options include green burial, ocean burial, aquamation, human composting, tree burial, mycelium suits, donating your body to science, and being launched into the cosmos.

The thought of death often triggers anxiety and fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of dreams dispersed. Fear of regret and the unresolved. Fear of losing control. Fear of being forgotten. So much so that we may turn away from the thought altogether to ultimately arrive unprepared or at the very least ill-versed in it’s significance.